Last year at this time I was lamenting over not finishing my book and failing to post on my blog regularly the previous year. I took heart though, and looked at what I DID accomplish in 2018. Self care had over taken my life.
(You can read about that here What I REALLY Did Last Year)
Though disappointing, I knew it had propelled me farther than any words in books or blogs could have. I determined to move forward with the writing knowing this and feeling energized by it as well.
Now the sunrise of 2020 is here. No finished book, even less blog posts than in 2018. I am left with time gone by and an opportunity to wallow, fuss, and lament AGAIN about my lack, distraction, and searching for some bit of worthiness for 365 days of failure as a writer.
Can I do this again? Can I even imagine a goal one more time? Even most of the 50 pounds I lost in 2018 came back and was re-lost over 7 times last year. Leaving me today with the exact same struggle to break into the 200’s.
Life happen again! But I had not planned this scenario.
What have I learned from this repeat of unwanted behaviors?
This was 2019:
We walked alongside our two adult children through incredible job stress, some of which was shocking and beyond any sense of human dignity.
We helped them move four times.
We prayed incessantly for God to show up in ways we could not. Ways that would be clearer and more certain than the obvious or coincidental circumstances around us.
We spent two months traveling my Father-in-law’s end of life journey.
We spent another two months recovering from logistical necessities of letting go and giving up our idea of how and why things happen the way they do when someone close to you passes away.
We celebrated a long awaited and intricately ordained union of two people incredibly dedicated to God’s plan for their lives and those they love.
We heard our elder son speak the most honoring works I could ever dream of . . .
“Mom, she is so much like you.”
We watched our second born begin a job he has worked toward for nearly five years. This is us, moving him BEFORE that job was offered. Significant faith step for him but more so for us because this guy teaches us so much about being a grown up.
We experienced a new level of REST regarding home maintenance.
We prioritized differences between wanting, needing, and having time with each other in our empty nesting life.
We saw how God’s been going before us as we plan for the next years of my husband’s teaching career.
We found out that stress slides right off your shoulders when you REALLY hand stuff over to God.
What I learned last year is life comes in layers. This year was layered with “we.”
And sometimes the layers are spread over time.
After 34 years of marriage, we started working together in a different kind of way. It did not happen overnight as it might have seemed. We did not know God was chipping away at each of us year after year, methodically transforming the “me” and “you” into “us” and “we.”
Whatever the theme of 2019 has been for you, See it, Embrace it.
Love who you became because of it.
And know, as you move into 2020, you are more alive than you’ve ever been.